The Upside of Danger

By Séamus Anthony

A short, sharp shock here and there, even an unpleasant one, can be a very powerful motivator. If you let go of your naturally defensive reactions and ‘look for the gift’, you may just find that the situation brings unexpected rewards.

The other evening I was walking to a party with some friends when I was very nearly hit by a moving car. It was traveling at a fair whack, and I would say it most likely would have been curtains for me had I been struck.

I didn’t even see it – I was jaywalking in front of some cars that were idling at the intersection and I didn’t realise that the left-turn arrow was green. The car was rushing to make the lights, and the first thing I knew about it was the sensation of something very large passing very quickly very close to my backside. My friends hollered at me to be careful, and the car pulled over. The young lads in it gave me some lip about watching where I was walking. They were rightfully angry; I wasn’t using my head (it was in the clouds).

So there you have it – one minute I was fine, the next … well, happy to say, I was still fine. But it was the first reminder I’ve had in while as to the fleeting nature of our existence, our inevitable impending demise.

Uh-huh, I’m talking ’bout the D-word, baby!

I first started meditating after reading a book that urged the reader to consider carefully the unavoidable – death, and the unpredictability of its timing. This is a basic Buddhist premise; the Dalai Lama is forever urging us to sit down and meditate before it’s too late – but at the time it was quite a shock to me. I was 26 years old and had spent my youth barreling around like a bull at a gate. I was utterly convinced that I was a superman who could ‘go hard’ forever without having to suffer any consequences.

Being challenged to consider my mortality was like a slap to the face. It changed my life. I had deliberately (sub-consciously) been avoiding the topic, and the tool we have for dealing with it – spirituality – but I suddenly knew it was time to face my inner-world. I sat on a cushion, the rest is history.

It is important to note that facing up to your mortality isn’t about learning to fear death. It is actually about ‘un-learning’ to fear it. It’s about recognising that the reason we avoid the topic, why we push it from our minds, is because we have lost touch with our spiritual core. We become over-identified with our ego, and thus adopt the ‘survival at all costs’ mentality that the ego naturally holds. Our ego is supposed to fear death – that’s its job – but we are wise to get in touch with our spiritual core and therefore remember that, in the end, death is nothing to fear.

I think that the car just missing me the other day was a small reminder to stop being so obsessed with my goals and plans for the future, to remember to ‘be here now’.

Because now is all we have.

Wise man says nothing

Whether life threatening or not, there will always be surprises in our life, some pleasant, some not. How we deal with the unexpected is the question. Great personal growth can come of sudden unexpected adversity, but there is also the chance that we may let the situation get the better of us – sometimes for years.

The trick is to let go.

I was once unexpectedly trounced by a large, angry man. It is arguable that I didn’t help the situation by responding to his provocation, but I certainly didn’t deserve the savage beating that ensued. I wound up in hospital for two days with, amongst other lesser but still painful injuries, a broken nose and cheek, a cauliflower ear, and a thoroughly mashed eyeball.

It was distressing to say the least.

At first I felt outraged. When not fantasising about the beating I wished I had given him, I was formulating plans to sue the pants off of the guy.

Meanwhile, I was told to take a month off work, which wasn’t too bad because I really hated my job. My family took me in to help me through the experience, setting me up on the sofa bed in front of the wide screen TV, and pampering me with cups of tea and snacks. That was nice. Much nicer than the damp, cramped shed in the dog-poo littered back garden of a filthy share house that I was roughing it in at the time.

My new girlfriend came to stay with me. This ended up being a fantastic opportunity to get to know each other away from the ordinary day-to-day scenarios, and to realise that we were soul mates. I stopped moping about my ‘problems’ and instead saw what a beautiful, caring and unassumingly wonderful woman I had been lucky enough to find. This was five years ago, and I am pleased to report we are still together and happy now.

Before the assault, I had been struggling to adjust to a painful relationship break-up and the post-overseas-travel-blues. When I got a thrashing heaped on top of that, my first reaction was to bemoan my escalating bad luck. But as I spent time with my new girl and my caring family, I realised there was plenty in my life to be grateful for.

I decided to forgive my attacker, and to focus on the positives. I realised that I had, with my talent for winning verbal battles (and subsequent eagerness to get in them), been in danger of falling foul of a violent man for years. Not that this by any means justifies my attacker’s actions, but nevertheless (as my oldest mates will testify) there was a lesson to be learned there, and after multiple close calls, the universe had simply caved in to my ‘asking’ to be taught the hard way. It’s good to stand up for yourself; but sometimes it’s wiser to shut up and walk away. I have made concerted efforts to do this ever since!

So a short, sharp shock here and there, even an unpleasant one, can be a very powerful motivator. If you let go of your naturally defensive reactions and ‘look for the gift’, you may just find that the situation brings unexpected rewards.